Of Rehearsals and Responsibilities.

I started rehearsals last week!  I’m excited, and starting to feel as though this show is getting somewhere.  Still, it’s going slow and I keep questioning my ability to lead a creative endeavor like this.

I’m starting to see, more and more, how difficult it is for one person to be dealing with all the creative/design aspects of a show, all the logistical aspects of a show, and all the performance/act creation in a show.  I think I’d like for it to be more of a collaboration than it is right now, though my cast members and set designer have all given me some great ideas and feedback.  I think it would be a little more give-and-take if I gave a little more to begin with.  I think that what I need to do is a little online video research of other circus shows/acts, just to inspire myself and get myself thinking outside my tiny Div III brain box.

It’s days like this, when I realize how much pressure and responsibility there is to this project, where I not only wish I had chosen something “easier,” but where I wish I had gone to a more traditional school.  By the standards of any normal school, I would be excelling right now – and it’s not that I’m not doing extremely well at Hampshire.  On the contrary, I think I’ve actually become an incredibly mature, hard-working, creative individual here.  But it’s challenging – so challenging – and sometimes it’s hard to deal with.  No, I don’t actually want to be anywhere else.  I wouldn’t love anywhere as much as I love Hampshire, and I truly believe that.  But jeez, is it difficult when I have such high standards for myself.

Anyway, I’m off to go get some ideas, and maybe to work on my grant applications.  There’s a new studio art grant for which I am applying, and sincerely hoping I receive!  Away I go!

A presto.


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