I started rehearsals last week! I’m excited, and starting to feel as though this show is getting somewhere. Still, it’s going slow and I keep questioning my ability to lead a creative endeavor like this.
I’m starting to see, more and more, how difficult it is for one person to be dealing with all the creative/design aspects of a show, all the logistical aspects of a show, and all the performance/act creation in a show. I think I’d like for it to be more of a collaboration than it is right now, though my cast members and set designer have all given me some great ideas and feedback. I think it would be a little more give-and-take if I gave a little more to begin with. I think that what I need to do is a little online video research of other circus shows/acts, just to inspire myself and get myself thinking outside my tiny Div III brain box.
It’s days like this, when I realize how much pressure and responsibility there is to this project, where I not only wish I had chosen something “easier,” but where I wish I had gone to a more traditional school. By the standards of any normal school, I would be excelling right now – and it’s not that I’m not doing extremely well at Hampshire. On the contrary, I think I’ve actually become an incredibly mature, hard-working, creative individual here. But it’s challenging – so challenging – and sometimes it’s hard to deal with. No, I don’t actually want to be anywhere else. I wouldn’t love anywhere as much as I love Hampshire, and I truly believe that. But jeez, is it difficult when I have such high standards for myself.
Anyway, I’m off to go get some ideas, and maybe to work on my grant applications. There’s a new studio art grant for which I am applying, and sincerely hoping I receive! Away I go!